Gracie Allen Quotes

I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it's nothing.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

I think there's so much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.

Today millions of people are living who will never do it again. Millions are being born for the first time - and millions are doing nothing because it's the best offer they've had this week. It is for these people and many others that the Surprise Party is conceived and desecrated, founded upon the principle that everybody is just as good as anybody else, even though they aren't quite so smart.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Every politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear to the ground.

Gracie: "Don't give up, Blanche. Women don't do that. Look at Betsy Ross, Martha Washington-they didn't give up. Look at Nina Jones." Blanche Morton: "Nina Jones?" Gracie: "I've never heard of her either, because she gave up."

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

Try to understand me. Nothing is impossible.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer.

A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.