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H. L. Mencken Quotes - Page 11

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No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

Marriage, Flirty, Nice

"A Mencken Chrestomathy". Book by H. L. Mencken , as quoted in "The New Penguin Dictionary of Modern Quotations" by Robert Andrews (2003), 1949.

The mistake that is made always runs the other way. Because the plain people are able to speak and understand, and even, in many cases, to read and write, it is assumed that they have ideas in their heads, and an appetite for more. This assumption is a folly.

Running, Mistake, Writing

Women hate revolutions and revolutionists. They like men who are docile, and well-regarded at the bank, and never late at meals.

Hate, Men, Meals

H. L. Mencken (1924). “Prejudices Fourth Series”

College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity.

Football, Humorous, Loss

There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.

Funny, Music, Humorous

Religion deserves no more respect than a pile of garbage.

Atheist, Garbage, Deserve

In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell.

Cynical, Patriotism, United States

H.L. Mencken (2012). “Mencken Chrestomathy”, p.359, Vintage

Looking for an honest politician is like looking for an ethical burglar.

Political, Honest, Politician

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.

Freedom, Animal, Democracy

The only guarantee of the Bill of Rights which continues to have any force and effect is the one prohibiting quartering troops on citizens in time of peace. All the rest have been disposed of by judicial interpretation and legislative whittling.

Rights, Bills, Troops

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.254, Knopf

Women in general seem to me to be appreciably more intelligent than men. A great many of them suffer in silence from the imbecilities of their husbands.

Husband, Intelligent, Men

H.L. Mencken (2012). “Diary of H. L. Mencken”, p.248, Vintage

For me to go into politics would be like sending a virgin into a house of ill-repute.

House, Would Be, Ill

New York: A third-rate Babylon.

New York, Babylon, Rate

The public, with its mob yearning to be instructed, edified and pulled by the nose, demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

Society, Noses, Demand

H. L. Mencken, Marion Elizabeth Rodgers (2010). “H.L. Mencken: Prejudices: First, Second, and Third Series”, Hubsta Ltd

Religion is "so absurd that it comes close to imbecility."

Atheist, Religion, Atheism

Syllogisms а la mode - If you are against labor racketeers, then you are against the working man. If you are against demagogues, then you are against democracy. If you are against Christianity, then you are against God. If you are against trying a can of Old Dr. Quack's Cancer Salve, then you are in favor of letting Uncle Julius die.

Uncles, Cancer, Men

Shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world. Skin a chimpanzee, and it would take an autopsy to prove he was not a theologian.

Funny, Humor, Champion

Baltimore Evening Sun, April 4, 1927.

Deep within the heart of every evangelist lies the wreck of a car salesman.

Lying, Heart, Car

All the great enterprises of the world are run by a few smart men: their aides and associates run down by rapid stages to the level of sheer morons. Everyone knows that this is true of government, but we often forget that it is equally true of private undertakings. In the average great bank, or railroad, or other corporation the burden of management lies upon a small group. The rest are ciphers.

Running, Smart, Lying

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.121, Knopf

If what I may believe - about gall-stones, the Constitution, castor oil, or God - is conditioned by law, then I am not a free man.

Believe, Men, Law

H.L. Mencken (2012). “Mencken Chrestomathy”, p.344, Vintage

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

Family, Children, School

H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.

Baby, Peace, War

'Minority Report'. Collected in Notebooks (1956).

I have long been convinced that the idea of liberty is abhorrent to most human beings. What they want is security, not freedom. Thus it seldom causes any public indignation when an enterprising tyrant claps down on one of his enemies. To most men it seems a natural proceeding.

Men, Tyrants, Ideas

Immortality is the condition of a dead man who doesn't believe he is dead

Believe, Men, Immortality

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

Marriage, Husband, Giving

H.L. Mencken (2012). “Mencken Chrestomathy”, p.620, Vintage

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