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H. L. Mencken Quotes - Page 7

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Sunday is a day given over by Americans to wishing that the themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.

Sunday is a day given over by Americans to wishing that the themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.

Sunday, Heaven, Wish

"A little book in C major".

Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.

Men, Rights, Law

We suffer most when the White House busts with ideas.

Ideas, White, House

Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong.

Men, Inferiority, Moral

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.416, Knopf

Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.

Religion, Communism, Made

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.277, Knopf

Suppose two-thirds of the members of the national House of Representatives were dumped into the Washington garbage incinerator tomorrow, what would we lose to offset our gain of their salaries and the salaries of their parasites?

Two, House, Salary

H.L. MENCKEN (1958). “PREJUDICES A SELECTION”

But I wonder where we will land if trial judges begin deciding that the fact that a man has committed an atrocious crime is proof sufficient that he is not responsible for his acts.

Men, Land, Judging

Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.

Marriage, Devil, Ransom

A Little Book in C Major ch. 6 (1916)

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

Love, Funny Valentines Day, Women

The essence of science is that it is always willing to abandon a given idea, however fundamental it may seem to be, for a better one; the essence of theology is that it holds its truths to be eternal and immutable. To be sure, theology is always yielding a little to the progress of knowledge, and only a Holy Roller in the mountains of Tennessee would dare to preach today what the popes preached in the Thirteenth Century, but this yielding is always done grudgingly, and thus lingers a good while behind the event.

Science, Essence, Ideas

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.249, Knopf

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

Freedom, Democracy, Politics

Those who can't teach - administrate. Those who can't administrate - go into politics.

Teach

The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant, in this field as in all others. His culture is based on 'I am not too sure'.

Men, Culture, Fields

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.416, Knopf

The only kind of freedom that the mob can imagine is freedom to annoy and oppress its betters, and that is precisely the kind that we mainly have.

Equality, Kind, Annoying

Of all the classes of men, I dislike the most those who make their livings by talking - actors, clergymen, politicians, pedagogues, and so on. .... It is almost impossible to imagine a talker who sticks to the facts. Carried away by the sound of his own voice and the applause from the groundlings, he makes inevitably the jump from logic to mere rhetoric.

Men, Talking, Class

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Minority Report”, p.174, Knopf

Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.

Freedom, Comedian, Democracy

The great masses of men, though theoretically free, are seen to submit supinely to oppression and exploitation of a hundred abhorrent sorts. Have they no means of resistance? Obviously they have. The worst tyrant, even under democratic plutocracy, has but one throat to slit. The moment the majority decided to overthrow him he would be overthrown. But the majority lacks the resolution; it cannot imagine taking the risks.

Mean, Men, Tyrants

H.L. Mencken (2013). “Notes On Democracy”, p.41, Knopf

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

Funny Inspirational, Freedom, Business

"The Divine Afflatus". New York Evening Mail, November 16, 1917; reprinted in H. L. Mencken "Prejudices: Second Series", 1920, and in "A Mencken Chrestomathy: His Own Selection of His Choicest Writing" edited by H. L. Mencken, 1949.

Nature abhors a moron.

Nature, Stupidity, Moron

H.L. Mencken (2012). “Mencken Chrestomathy”, p.616, Vintage

Kant was probably the worst writer ever heard of on earth before Karl Marx. Some of his ideas were really quite simple, but he always managed to make them seem unintelligible. I hope he is in Hell.

Simple, Ideas, Earth

Christian - One who is willing to serve three Gods, but draws the line at one wife.

Christian, Wife, Religion

"A Mencken Chrestomathy: His Own Selection of His Choicest Writing". Book by H. L. Mencken, 1949.

The American people, I am convinced, really detest free speech. At the slightest alarm they are ready and eager to put it down.

People, Alarms, Speech

H.L. Mencken (2012). “Diary of H. L. Mencken”, p.635, Vintage

I am one of the few goyim who have ever actually tackled the Talmud. I suppose you now expect me to add that it is a profound and noble work, worthy of hard study by all other goyims. Unhappily, my report must differ from this expectation. It seems to me, save for a few bright spots, to be quite indistinguishable from rubbish.

Profound, Expectations, Noble

The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office.

Men, Office, Political

"Charting the Candidates '72". Book by Ronald Van Doren, p. 7, 1972.

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

Men, Literature, Married

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