Jane Wagner Quotes

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.

I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle, I found it too confining. It was just too needful; it expected me to be there for it all the time, and with all I have to do--I had to let something go.

Nothing makes you realize you don't know what you want more than getting what you want.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that drugs have forced us to be more creative than we really are.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

The human mind is kind of like a piñata. When it breaks open, there's a lot of surprises inside. Once you get the piñata perspective, you see that losing your mind can be a peak experience.

What is reality anyway! It's nothing but a collective hunch.

My mom says I have to be more positive, and I say life has to be more positive too or it's just not going to work.

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

What you try to bury just ends up burying you.

When you're dancing the mystical dance of the molecules, you're not the one who's leading.

The truth can be made up if you know how.

People don't need sex so much as they need to be listened to.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

Childhood comes at a time in your life when you are too young to understand what you are going through. And you're too young to understand that you are too young to understand.

I even worry about reflective flea collars. Oh, sure, drivers can see them glow in the dark, but so can the fleas.