Jeff Kinney Quotes

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for.

I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.

I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.

But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

I`m basically one of the best people I know.

It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.

When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.

You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.

Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg

fish and visitors stink in 3 days.

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.