I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.
Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.
Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.
I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?
I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.
I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.
I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.
Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.
I grew up around a lot of boys - all my friends on my street were boys, so I was the only girl for a while hanging out with them. I have a little bit of a tomboy aspect; I love to be comfortable. But, I do have a sexy girly side as well - I just love sportswear.
Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.
Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
