Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.
If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.
At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.
Let’s shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking.
The cause of anger lies in our thinking - in thoughts of blame and judgment.
Needs are the expression of life through us.
When we are angry, killing people is too superficial.
Enemy images are the main reason conflicts don't get resolved.
If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?
When people hear needs, it provokes compassion.
Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena. Worldwide, NVC is used to mediate disputes and conflicts at all levels.
Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.
As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.
If we want to make meetings productive, we need to keep track of those whose requests are on the table.
Thinking based on who deserves what blocks compassionate communication.
Violence in any form is a tragic expression of our unmet needs.
In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the other.
Every moment each human being is doing the best we know at that moment to meet our needs. We never do anything that is not in the service of a need, there is no conflict on our planet at the level of needs. We all have the same needs. The problem is in strategies for meeting the needs.
Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying the parent's demands.
Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.
Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.
Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.
Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.
An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves-the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.
Miracles can happen when we can keep our consciousness away from analyzing and classifying one another.
