Ogden Nash Quotes - Page 5

Smallpox is natural; vaccine ain't.

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.

Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.

People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when ... People watch with unshocked eyes; But the old men know when an old man dies.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.

Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

But all ladies think they weigh too much.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.

But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them, With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.

The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.

O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm!

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.

Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss, They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.

A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.