Ogden Nash Quotes

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.

No, you never get any fun Out of the things you haven't done.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

Wind is caused by the trees waving their branches.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.

Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.

One thing about the past. It's likely to last.

Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. So here we are several billion of us, crowded into our global concentration camp for the duration. How are we to survive? Solemnity is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in humor, which in this case means a wry acceptance of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is ourselves.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Too much Chablis can make you whablis.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

I believe that people believe what they believe they believe.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

The truth I do not stretch or shove When I state the dog is full of love. I've also proved, by actual test, A wet dog is the lovingest.

Abracadabra, thus we learn The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, The less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.