Ogden Nash Quotes about Funny

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay.

Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

No man is greater than his respect for sleep.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!