Patton Oswalt Quotes

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who's good-looking; if they open their mouths and they're an idiot, then they cease to be beautiful very quickly.

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.

I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad.

You can be an amateur and have a passion for something, but it takes a long time to actually become a professional, meaning that you can handle any situation.

Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. Some people are just born with bad wiring.

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.

Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you're not being a slave to your possessions.

I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.

If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.

Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.