I believe in the separation of church and planet.
Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.
Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.
A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate
Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.
Bear in mind the simple rule, X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can't go very far wrong.
Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.
Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.
Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man; good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist
People who are interested in money are really uninteresting people. They look like Donald Trump.
At least in America, you have freedom of speech, which is a good thing. It's just a question of whether you're allowed to use it on 'Fox News'.
We destroy icons - that's what we do.
Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.
Know what I mean? Eh, eh, Nudge nudge, Say no more?
The dreadful thing about getting older is you cry at the drop of a hat.
You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person.
People can tell the truth much more freely when they're apparently lying.
Nobody gets irony anymore, as we are now living in the post-ironic age. Once George Bush gets a library, our irony is dead.
John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it.
No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad.
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
Talent is always more interesting - ambition is not interesting. If you have talent, you have to find ways of expressing it, but you may not be a success in the world's terms.
I think comedy's often the little and the large, isn't it?
Filming a pirate film is always good fun, with ships and indecent clothing.
