Phyllis Diller Quotes about Children

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

Phyllis Diller

Children, Writing, Dust

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

Growing Up, Children, Silly

Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

Phyllis Diller

Children, Advice, Bottles

"Fearless and Funny: When Comedy Was Queen" by Michael R. Drew and Robert J. Hughes, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 23, 2012.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

Phyllis Diller

Funny, Baby, Children

Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.68, Penguin

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

Phyllis Diller

Children, Father, Divorce

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

Phyllis Diller

Funny, Baby, Children

Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.194, Penguin

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Phyllis Diller

Funny, Children, Humorous

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Phyllis Diller

Running, Children, Women