I've discovered that every time I've reached a milestone I think I'm there, but there's another there waiting for me.
It's like there's this knowledge hanging in the air that one person has more power than the other, and we're supposed to pretend everything is nice and normal and equal, but in reality, luck or chance has showered benefits on one person that the other person couldn't dream of.
I used to think that having lots of friends meant that you were happy. That's really not true. Having the right friends means that you're happy.
The biggest strength is being able to have perspective. Get the distance, and it enables you to be able to laugh at yourself.
If friends are taking more from you than they're giving, it doesn't matter if they are in the throes of addiction. It does not matter if they are suicidal. It does not matter if they were nice to you when you were kids. It doesn't matter if you've told them things you've never told anybody else and only they can relate. If this person is draining you, this person is not right for you.
One of the best practices in the manual of human existence is to assist people who need help when you can safely do so. The best people help those who need help.
It's time to hand back responsibility for being an adult to everyone in the situation. You're not helping anybody by staying in a romantic relationship that isn't good for you or staying in a work relationship that sucks or staying in a friendship where you hate the other person. That's not helping anyone.
When you're mired in the depths of depression, it's impossible to believe that anything can get better, but it can and it will. Seek out low-cost or free counseling. Get help and support from your community and stick with it until you can afford some fancy private shrink. Do anything. Join a church group if you have to. It doesn't have to be about religion, it's about not feeling alone. Also, do not be afraid to go to the emergency room. I've been there.
When I go to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World, they have wonderful topiary in the shapes of characters. I apply the principle to my life. "Prune away that which is not a Disney princess!" I think Michelangelo said that.
If you buy my book at Walmart, I don't want you to read it. I want you to set it on fire. Because that's what you just did with your money. When you buy a book through an indie-store, you put some money into an independent store and owner in your community. You've put some money into someone's life and someone's livelihood, into keeping the lights on, into helping them be alive. That's a great thing.
Most people don't want to work with liars. They'll work with a liar if the liar makes them money and gives them credit, but not if a person's lying extends to not making them money and not giving them credit.
I think that if you want help from somebody, you ask. You ask not expecting anyone to give it to you, unless it is a friend or a loved one with whom you should have those expectations, because friends should help friends. Even so, when I ask friends for blurbs or for endorsements or instructions, I always leave room for the fact that they're probably busy and have a million more things to do in their day than give me Ryan Gosling's phone number. Which I've never asked for, just by way of casual example.
Happy to me is not what I thought happy was. Happy is actually better, because it includes room for sadness. A definition of success must leave room for failure, because it's part of it.
What I really wanted wasn't what I thought I was supposed to want. It wasn't what people had told me I should want or that books and movies and TV had put across. What I really wanted was to be a working artist, which I am.
I do not, right now in this moment today, want to be married. After entertaining proposals, researching the cost of a wedding, and looking at friends who are married, I realized that if I do get married one day, I want it to be in the right situation with the right person.
When you're disappointed romantically - when people evolve or they move on, when somebody doesn't love you in the same way anymore or you don't love somebody in the same way - it's devastating. Just because you leave a relationship doesn't mean that you don't love that person. It doesn't mean that you don't miss that person terribly.
The world will not give you an endowment for your finger-painting. Your finger-painting may be marvelous, but our government and society do not value art adequately. We should fulminate against that and seek to change it, but in the meantime you have to make choices. If you're an artist who likes to have a steady income for yourself, for your children, for your partner, to help you engage in elder care as you take care of your parents or grandparents, that's a good thing.
In the short term, it absolutely feels devastating to break a bond of friendship. In the long term, it is the best possible thing. You're actually doing something noble and good if you do it in the right way. You can leave them with, "I wish you the best, but I have to take care of myself." Or you don't have to wish them the best. It's okay if you don't. Maybe they don't deserve the best. That's not up to you to decide. You not wishing someone the best is not going to make anyone's life not the best.
