Steve Martin Quotes - Page 3

I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars

Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it's almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.

My problem is that I don't get the same exhiliration from success as I get depression from failure.

It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.

I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point.

I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1) Babies are illogical. 2) Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile. 3) Illogical persons are despised. Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles. And: 1) No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste. 2) No modern poetry is free from affectation. 3) All of your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles. 4) No affected poetry is popular among people of taste. 5) Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles. Therefore, all your poems are uninteresting.

If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.