Tim Allen Quotes about Funny

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Funny, Mom, Mother

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Tim Allen

Funny, Humor, Nephew

Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.

Tim Allen

Funny, Believe, Thinking

"An interview with Tim Allen". Interview to Laugh Factory Magazine, www.timallen.com. 1994.

Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.

Tim Allen

Funny, God, Humorous

Tim Allen (1996). “I'm Not Really Here”, Hyperion

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Tim Allen

Funny, Witty, Dating

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Tim Allen

Funny, Positive, Liars

"Land Your Dream Job: High-Performance Techniques to Get Noticed, Get Hired, and Get Ahead". Book by John Middleton, Ken Langdon, and Nikki Cartwright, 2007.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Tim Allen

Funny, Baby, Children

Tim Allen (1996). “I'm Not Really Here”, Hyperion

Tim Allen Quotes about Funny

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