Humorous Quotes - Page 64

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts... Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for.

I was able to read poets that were - allowed me to be humorous without being silly.

[My brother] lived in a dry gulch where the world of socks and shoes became extremely fascinating, and he felt that everyone needs a good pair of socks, and why not limit his gift giving to something that everybody needs? He thought that there was something humorous about it. So he gives socks.

The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.

I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted to make something out of the humorous situations which come up even when you don't think life could be any more miserable.

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.

Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard.

Throughout my career, I've always portrayed characters that were humorous, but also weren't afraid to speak their minds, especially when it came to racy or controversial topics. I think this struck a chord with the LGBT community. We both also share a very strong love for animals. When you combine the two, it's a very strong match.

The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.

He's gone, and forgot nothing but to say farewell to his creditors

Young singers ask me, "Do I have to live in New York?" I say, "You can live wherever you want-as long as people think you live in New York."

It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on talk shows.

The first word you see at the airport is 'terminal'.

I use humour a lot. My foundation is tragic, but my appearance is humorous.

I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia Loren, or funny and humorous, a la Woody Allen. Getting to do things along those lines would be extremely wicked and a dream come true.

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.

He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

Goresthorpe Grange is a feudal mansion - or so it was termed in the advertisement which originally brought it under my notice. Its right to this adjective had a most remarkable effect upon its price, and the advantages gained may possibly be more sentimental than real. Still, it is soothing to me to know that I have slits in my staircase through which I can discharge arrows; and there is a sense of power in the fact of possessing a complicated apparatus by means of which I am enabled to pour molten lead upon the head of the casual visitor.

Love has been taken away from the poets, and has been brought within the domain of true science. It may prove to be one of the great cosmic elementary forces. When the atom of hydrogen draws the atom of chlorine towards it to form the perfected molecule of hydrochloric acid, the force which it exerts may be intrinsically similar to that which draws me to you. Attraction and repulsion appear to be the primary forces. This is attraction.