Sarcasm Quotes

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. Check yourself against this list of obstacles to a pleasing personality: interrupting others; sarcasm; vanity; being a poor listener; insincere flattery; finding fault; challenging others without good cause; giving unsolicited advice; complaining; attitude of superiority; envy of others' success; poor posture and dress.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

Satirists gain the applause of others through fear, not through love.