Adam Carolla Quotes - Page 4

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

My first car was a motorcycle.

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

I get depressed at airports.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.