Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses. I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like - there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
I don't know anything about computers.
Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
I am not a good cue card reader.
I know everything because I know nothing.
When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
I'd never hurt another person.
If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
I'm a comedian, not a politician.
The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
