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Ambrose Bierce Quotes about Funny

All Ambrose Bierce Quotes Accidents Adversity Affection Age Aging Alcohol Army Art Assumption Atheism Attitude Authority Beauty Belief Boundaries Business Certainty Change Character Cheating Childhood Children Choices Church Clarinet Confusion Cooking Country Creation Critics Culture Cynicism Death Democracy Desire Devil Diplomacy Disappointment Doubt Drinking Dying Earth Education Ego Energy Envy Eternity Evidence Evil Excellence Expectations Failure Faith Fame Family Fashion Fear Feelings Finance Food Friendship Funeral Funny quotes Future Genius Giving God Gold Growth Guilt Happiness Hatred Heart Heaven Hell History Home Honor Hope House Ignorance Imagination Independence Injustice Insanity Inspiration Inspirational Joy Judging Judgment Justice Kindness Knowledge Labor Language Latin Leadership Learning Liars Liberty Life Literature Logic Losing Love Lying Marriage Math Military Money Morality Motherhood Music Nature Nihilism Office Opportunity Optimism Passion Past Patriotism Peace Philosophy Pleasure Politics Power Prejudice Preparation Pride Property Prosperity Purpose Quality Reality Religion Responsibility Revenge Revolution Running Sacrifice School Science Silence Sin Skins Son Soul Spirituality Spring Stupidity Style Success Suffering Taxes Temptation Theology Time Truth Understanding Violence Virtue Wall War Water Wealth Wife Wine Wisdom Work Worship Writing Youth

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Funny, Peace, Military

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

Funny, Dog, Humor

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.13, University of Georgia Press

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

Funny, Integrity, Heart

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.68, University of Georgia Press

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

Funny, Science, Pockets

The Devil's Dictionary

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Love, Funny, Humor

Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.149, 谷月社

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Funny, Anniversary, Romantic

Devil's Dictionary (1911) p. 213

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Funny, Prayer, Humor

Ambrose Bierce (2012). “The Devil's Dictionary”, p.96, Courier Corporation

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Love, Funny, Marriage

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.155, University of Georgia Press

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Funny, Country, Humorous

Ambrose Bierce (1968). “The Ambrose Bierce satanic reader: selections from the invective journalism of the great satirist”

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Funny, Witty, Humorous

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.3723, Delphi Classics

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Funny, Humor, Government

"The Devil's Dictionary". Book by Ambrose Bierce, 1911.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Funny, Money, Badass

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.17, University of Georgia Press

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Funny, Sarcastic, Art

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2450, Delphi Classics

PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Funny, Music, Keys

Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.224, ReadHowYouWant.com

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Funny, Sloth, Degrees

Ambrose Bierce (2012). “The Devil's Dictionary”, p.69, Courier Corporation

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Funny, Jealousy, Sarcastic

Cynic's Word Book (1906) p. 41

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

Funny, Military, Enemy

Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.229, 谷月社

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Funny, Moving, Humor

Ambrose Bierce (2011). “Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs”, p.565, Library of America

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Funny, Happiness, Happy

Ambrose Bierce (2000). “Tales of Soldiers and Civilians: and Other Stories”, p.26, Penguin

AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

Funny, Country, Lying

Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.16, 谷月社

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

Funny, God, Names

Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.41, 谷月社

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

Funny, Truth, Appearance

Ambrose Bierce (2011). “Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs”, p.825, Library of America

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Funny, Hope, Giving Up

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.152, University of Georgia Press

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

Funny, Humorous, Party

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

Love, Funny, Marriage

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.1223, Delphi Classics

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