Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.
Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.
Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.
