Bob Hope Quotes about Funny

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.

Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.