Carol Burnett Quotes - Page 2

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.

What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows.

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

I liked myself better when I wasnt me.

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

there were times when I was more at home in front of millions of people than I was at home.

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Comedy = tragedy + time.

When someone who is known for being comedic does something straight, it's always "a big breakthrough" or a "radical departure." Why is is no one ever says that if a straight actor does comedy? Are they presuming comedy is easier?

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

I've always been able to recount things and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.

As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing.

Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn't a mean thought in his body. I've always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart.

In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie - the networks just wouldn't spend the money today.