When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we have for ourselves and what actually happens.
The story of a mother's life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.
Everyday is a new beginning and a chance to blow it.
Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.
After 14 years of dieting, there are only two things I've never lost. Hope and weight.
Sometimes the best Christmas present is remembering what you've already got.
I'm married, which means that instead of occasionally wondering about men from afar, I actually live with one and can be constantly astounded by the strange male brain.
All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar.
Men date. Women have relationships.
I can't tell my conscience from my insecurities.
All parents believe their children can do the impossible. They thought it the minute we were born, and no matter how hard we've tried to prove them wrong, they all think it about us now. And the really annoying thing is, they're probably right.
I was going to sip on a diet soda, but a little voice convinced me I needed the extra calcium from a cup of hot chocolate.
There are only two secrets to a slimmer shape ... High heels and shoulder pads!
Cartooning is a wonderful career, and I'd like more women to get to have it. I can't think of any reason why we won't see more syndicated female cartoonists in the future.
Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.
My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
The relationship between Cathy and Mom in the strip is the one relationship drawn from real life that I have proudly never even tried to disguise.
What happened to the good old days of "Woman as passive recipient?" What happened to being courted? What happened to sitting back under a parasol and granting someone a chance to try to win us over?
Men should come with instruction booklets.
I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.
My mother had always taught me to write about my feelings instead of sharing really personal things with others, so I spent many evenings writing in my diary, eating everything in the kitchen and waiting for Mr. Wrong to call.
One day, in 1982, for 15 minutes, my hair was perfect.
Now I'm searching for a slightly overweight, single, childless woman who doesn't have a date and isn't too depressing to be around. It's getting harder to find a girlfriend than a boyfriend.
