Funny Life Quotes

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

I consider myself a crayon... I may not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Life is just a bowl of cherries, don't take it serious, its mysterious. Life is just a bowl of cherries, so live and laugh and laugh at love, love a laugh, laugh and love.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Life is not worth living if I cannot have pasta or bread again.

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

Life tells you to take the elevator, but love tells you to take the stairs.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.

If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

I try not to worry about the future - so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.