Sarah Silverman Quotes

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.

Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.

I do enjoy and feel compelled to talk about things that are taboo. One, because I think I'm a troublemaker inside, if someone says, "Don't say that," it's all I want to say. And also, something I learned in therapy ... which is darkness can't exist in the light, and then that made me think of something that Mr. Rogers said, which is, "If it's mentionable, it's manageable."

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.

We don't live in a democracy; we live in a hypocrisy.

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motorboated

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

Sometimes loving each other isn't enough. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You can't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of the unknown.

Letting your freak flag fly is something, no matter who you are, that takes great bravery, straight up.

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.

A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.

You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to.

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.