Human beings are always going to find interesting ways of making a mess of their lives. It's human nature.
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.
You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful. But you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn... oh, I know- you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath. But the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful. Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem.
I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.
If you want your freedom, you have to be willing to work hard to exercise it.
People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.
The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead.
Just because you're perfectionist doesn't mean you're perfect.
When you look at life retrospectively you rarely regret anything that you did, but you might regret things that you didn't do.
It's very easy to go down, so always live up. Incline yourself upward.
I've always had an urge to feed my need to have fun and feel free. I don't see any interesting alternatives.
I don't think many people have a very good understanding of leisure and the importance it plays in our lives.
I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman.
We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
The less people know about me, the easier my job is.
The only way to break a bad habit was to replace it with a better habit.
I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.
I usually don't get too bogged down with my personal problems because that's a one-way street if you get yourself into a negative frame of mind and only see the dark side of life.
Do you think God knew what he was doing when he created woman?
There's no point dwelling on what might or could have been. You just have to go forward.
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time.
And this, incidentally, is my thumbnail sketch of American marriage: A woman sees a man; she likes him. Now she jumps on this thing and rides it to some kind of standstill. Then she changes it and trains it, and to the exact degree that she's able to do this, she disrespects him.
I respect the social graces enormously. How to pass the food. Don't yell from one room to another. Don't go through a closed door without a knock. Open the doors for the ladies. All these millions of simple household behaviors make for a better life. We can't live in constant rebellion against our parents - it's just silly. I'm very well mannered. It's not an abstract thing. It's a shared language of expectations.
Men dominate because of physicality, and thus they have mercy where women do not.
With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.
