It's just a big excuse to say awful things.
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'
Life is full of horrible mistakes.
When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.
Everything that people say is testable.
I could never sit down and write jokes.
It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.
I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If you meet somebody, fall in love and get married. Then get divorced. Because that's the best part. Divorce is forever! It really actually is. Marriage is for how long you can hack it. But divorce just gets stronger like a piece of oak. Nobody ever says 'oh, my divorce is falling apart, it's over, I can't take it.'
America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.
I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.
I wish I could [keep a journal]. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.
I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.
I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.
To me, there's a huge difference between criticism and reviewing. I really love reading good criticism of television and film. To me, a critic is someone who analyzes a show, describes it, talks about the people in it, puts it in historical context of other shows like it, compares it and stuff, and then talks about the intent of the show and whether it failed or didn't.
Look at all the minorities around here! I'm the only majority.
The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.
A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.
When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well.
The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.
I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.
Expensive quality work doesn't cost more - it pays.
If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.
I don't have a brother in real life.
I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash.
Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.
