Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes about Communication - Page 4

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!

Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.

Nonviolent Communication shows us a way of being very honest, but without any criticism, without any insults, without any put-downs, without any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness.

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they will be met.

Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.

Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don't see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.

NVC requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people.

Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.

The first step in healing is to put the focus on what's alive now, not what happened in the past.

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need.

While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.

Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.

I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.

My ultimate goal is to spend as many of my moments in life as I can in that world that the poet Rumi talks about, 'a place beyond rightness and wrongness.

Always listen to what people need rather than what they are thinking about us.

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately, it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language of demands.

When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back.

Public education for some time has been heavily focused on what curricula we believe will be helpful to students. Life-Enriching Education is based on the premise that the relationship between teachers and students, the relationships of students with one another, and the relationships of students to what they are learning are equally important in preparing students for the future.

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

NVC is interested in learning that is motivated by reverence for life, by a desire to learn skills, to contribute better to our own well-being and the well-being of others.

Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren't seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I'm suggesting, you'll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.

When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.

In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them.

I try never to hear what another person thinks of me. I enjoy life a lot more when I spend as little time as possible hearing or thinking about what other people think about me. I go to the needs behind the thoughts. Then I'm in a different world.