Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Page 16

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I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

Mitch Hedberg

Funny, Humor, Suitcases

I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.

Mitch Hedberg

Funny, Humor, Men

I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.

Mitch Hedberg

Funny, Summer, Dad

Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free.

Mitch Hedberg

Two, Tuesday, Special

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

Mitch Hedberg

Necklaces, Upside Down, Let Me

"Just For Laughs: On The Edge". Live Album by Mitch Hedberg, 2002.

There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"

Mitch Hedberg

Funny, Humor, Mean