Funny Love Quotes

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.

If you have nothing but love for your avocados, and you take joy in turning them into guacamole, all you need is someone to share it with.

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I love you like a fat kid love cake.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

A light heart lives long.

Love loves to love love.

"A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears."

I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be let alone!' There is all the difference.

Life tells you to take the elevator, but love tells you to take the stairs.

True friends stab you in the front.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

If it's true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.