P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation.

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

I always strive, when I can, to spread sweetness and light. There have been several complaints about it.

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

I always advise people never to give advice.

One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth.

It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.

Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.

It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't.

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.

Cats, as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by the fact that in ancient Egypt they were worshipped as gods. This makes them prone to set themselves up as critics and censors of the frail and erring human beings whose lot they share.

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body.

Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.