Some of the most famous people in history never got a dinner!
E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner!
Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.
Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?
Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!
Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!
Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner!
Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, Is all that for me? Never got a dinner!
Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!
John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!
Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!
Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner!
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!
The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!
Gandhi, who went to Wendy's and asked, "Where's the belief?" Never got a dinner!
Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!
Orson Welles, who said to Anita Bryant, Stop picketing me. What I said was I was a thespian. Never got a dinner!
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner!
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!
Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
