Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner!
John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!
Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!
Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a dinner!
Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!
Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner!
Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!
The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner!
Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, Maybe we're white. Never got a dinner!
Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!
William Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's gotta be an easier way to kill worms. Never got a dinner!
Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!
Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner!
Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!
Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner!
Saint Christopher, who said, Where can I get a Frank Sinatra medal? Never got a dinner!
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!
Michelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner!
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer! Never got a dinner!
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!
