Roseanne Barr Quotes - Page 4

I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.

My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell.

My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.

I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?

You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.

my parents ... had decided early on that all of the problems in my family had somehow to do with me. All roads led to Roseyville, a messy, chaotic town where, as parents, they were required to visit, but could never get out of quick enough or find a decent parking place.

Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones.

My real life is funnier than anything on TV.

You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with.

My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life.

Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.

I used to play Barbies with my Mormon neighbor friend; it was always, "Oh, we're going to go on a date. Ken's taking us out, and we're going with Ken on a date." And I was like, "We're parachuting behind enemy lines to save the Jews." That's how I played Barbies. I was told when I was a girl that every Jewish woman has to have five children to replace three fifths of our people that were killed. That's how I was raised.

We had no religion at all, but we were Jews in New Hampshire, and my sister - who is now a rabbi - said it best: We were, like, the only Jews in Bedford, New Hampshire, as well as the only Democrats, so we just kind of associated those two things together. My dad raised us to believe that paying taxes is an honor.

I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.

I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.

I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too.

Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life.