Roseanne Barr Quotes

Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Truth is available to the ears that can hear it.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.

There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Being nuts is its own reward.

Comedy is the only hope for humanity.

It's a big culture of mind control too, MK-Ultra mind control rules in Hollywood. If you don't know that, google it and look into it. It's really hard for artists to find their voice in the media. It's levels of brainwashing and mind control.

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.

Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together.