Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
