Victor Borge Quotes - Page 2

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky... to Igor Stravinsky!

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.

There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.

How nice. Now the Germans can sleep in peace, knowing that they will not be invaded by us.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

...the elephant smoked too much.