Humorous Quotes - Page 42

[Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the great number of characters which clutter up the pages. The Russian school is responsible for this.

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language.

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

The most colossal display of wise, inspiring, and humorous metaphors ever exhibited in one place.

I like to think 'The God Delusion' is a humorous book. I think, actually, it's full of laughs. And people who describe it as a polarizing book or as an aggressive book, it's just that very often they haven't read it.

If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin.

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

The judge is found guilty when a criminal is acquitted.

When I started writing this, I found that I simply couldn't take fantasy seriously, so it became humorous, and continued from there.

I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?

I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer to walk around in than it is now, and better lit.

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them.

He was a long, stripy policeman, who flowed out of his uniform at odd spots, as if Nature, setting out to make a constable, had had a good deal of material left over which she had not liked to throw away but hardly seemed able to fit into the general scheme.

Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.

Life is too serious to be taken seriously.

America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"

We are born at the rise of the curtain and we die with its fall, and every night in the presence of our patrons we write our new creation, and every night it is blotted out forever; and of what use is it to say to audience or to critic, ''Ah, but you should have seen me last Tuesday?''

I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous.

I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.

Error is a hardy plant; it flourishes in every soil.