Humorous Quotes - Page 41

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.

God help the patient.

I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her.

The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in politics . . . Lord if they feel that way about it, I don't see why they don't just reverse the two words.

There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.

I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed anything I could on topics that ranged from Folklore to history to political mainifestos... I ranted and raved and seethed about things beyond my control. In short I acted like a Canadian.

Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business.

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue, has three hotels on every lot, and no matter how often it tossed the dice you just knew it would never land on Go to Jail, it would be forever passing Go and collecting $200.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!

I really like the Observer. I think I'd love to have a column with a broad reach that would enable me to do some proper reporting, but keep it on sort of a humorous level. I've always had a very happy experience writing for them.

Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.

A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.

Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.

I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.

I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother

Averages don't always reveal the most telling realities. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet.

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.