Humorous Quotes - Page 39

Being seventy is not a sin. It's not a joy, either.

I really think that effective acting has to do literally with the movement of molecules.

Look at Gleason in The Honeymooners. He was humorous but the way he lived wasn't really humorous. He was a bus driver. Who wants to be a bus driver? He didn't have any money and he was not famous. But despite that, the show is humorous.

Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives.

I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got lost in transit to Israel.

It is often said that the Japanese are extremely clean at home, or inside any house or office, but dirty and untidy outside. 'Go and look at a railway station,' I was told, 'and you'll be horrified.' I went and was horrified; horrified by the cleanliness of the place.

'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.'

Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.

Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer.

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to.

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just rubbed us the wrong way."

Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

Intolerance is the ''Do Not Touch'' sign on something that cannot bear touching. We do not mind having our hair ruffled, but we will not tolerate any familiarity with the toupee which covers our baldness.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

The desire to express in an art form and to compose a tableau and vignette whether it's humorous, burlesque, or poetic comes simply from a desire to compose an image for cinema. It is not my fault that when I go to Ramallah there is a checkpoint and therefore it enters my film. Tell me a way to avoid that politicized image. The fact is that the police are everywhere, the army everywhere and occupation is total. Whether it's a love story or a thriller, you place the camera and these realities will cross the frame.

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.