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Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Page 9

All Quotes Accidents Adversity Affection Age Aging Alcohol Army Art Assumption Atheism Attitude Authority Beauty Belief Boundaries Business Certainty Change Character Cheating Childhood Children Choices Church Clarinet Confusion Cooking Country Creation Critics Culture Cynicism Death Democracy Desire Devil Diplomacy Disappointment Doubt Drinking Dying Earth Education Ego Energy Envy Eternity Evidence Evil Excellence Expectations Failure Faith Fame Family Fashion Fear Feelings Finance Food Friendship Funeral Funny Future Genius Giving God Gold Growth Guilt Happiness Hatred Heart Heaven Hell History Home Honor Hope House Ignorance Imagination Independence Injustice Insanity Inspiration Inspirational Joy Judging Judgment Justice Kindness Knowledge Labor Language Latin Leadership Learning Liars Liberty Life Literature Logic Losing Love Lying Marriage Math Military Money Morality Motherhood Music Nature Nihilism Office Opportunity Optimism Passion Past Patriotism Peace Philosophy Pleasure Politics Power Prejudice Preparation Pride Property Prosperity Purpose Quality Reality Religion Responsibility Revenge Revolution Running Sacrifice School Science Silence Sin Skins Son Soul Spirituality Spring Stupidity Style Success Suffering Taxes Temptation Theology Time Truth Understanding Violence Virtue Wall War Water Wealth Wife Wine Wisdom Work Worship Writing Youth

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Funny, Country, Humorous

Ambrose Bierce (1968). “The Ambrose Bierce satanic reader: selections from the invective journalism of the great satirist”

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Funny, Witty, Humorous

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.3723, Delphi Classics

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

Beauty, Beautiful, Attitude

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.175, University of Georgia Press

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

Physicians, Literature, Patient

Ambrose Bierce (2004). “The Devil's Dictionaries: The Best of the Devil's Dictionary and the American Heretic's Dictionary”, p.39, See Sharp Press

Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Book, Writing, Religion

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2513, Delphi Classics

Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.

War, Men, Weapons

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2696, Delphi Classics

PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.

Photography, Art, Work

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.181, University of Georgia Press

The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.

Democracy, Degrees, Rewards

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Epigrams by Ambrose Bierce”, p.10, e-artnow

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Women, Roots, Brain

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.1223, Delphi Classics

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

Wise, Believe, Thinking

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.1216, Delphi Classics

Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Independent, Abnormal, Matter

Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.3, 谷月社

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

Crazy, Pride, Men

Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.50, ReadHowYouWant.com

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

Animal, Men, Thinking

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.161, University of Georgia Press

Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.

Death, Suicide, Differences

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.111, University of Georgia Press

TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

Dumb, Truthful, Illiterate

Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Super Large 18pt Edition”, p.372, ReadHowYouWant.com

Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.

Dying, Finals, Rich

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2460, Delphi Classics

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

Would Be, Telephones, Teach

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

Science, Planning, Results

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “The Best Of Ambrose Bierce: The Damned Thing + An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge + The Devil's Dictionary + Chickamauga (4 Classics in 1 Book)”, p.179, e-artnow

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Happiness, Marriage, Wedding

Ambrose Bierce (2013). “The Best Of Ambrose Bierce: The Damned Thing + An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge + The Devil's Dictionary + Chickamauga (4 Classics in 1 Book)”, p.48, e-artnow

Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.

Doctrine, Pantheism

Ambrose Bierce (2012). “The Devil's Dictionary”, p.91, Courier Corporation

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Inspirational, Photography, Art

Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.223, ReadHowYouWant.com

IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.

Needs, Morrow, Provision

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.121, University of Georgia Press

At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.

War, Savages, Idiot

Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.9, University of Georgia Press

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Funny, Humor, Government

"The Devil's Dictionary". Book by Ambrose Bierce, 1911.

REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

Military, Army, Matter

Ambrose Bierce (2011). “Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs”, p.768, Library of America

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