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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 15

All Quotes Abortion Abstinence Age Army Art Atheism Atheist Belief Birth Bullshit Cancer Character Children Chocolate Choices Christ Church Coffee College Comedy Communion Country Culture Debate Democracy Doubt Evil Feelings Fighting Fun Funny Giving Hate Health Care Heaven Hell Home House Human Nature Hurt Internet Jesus Justice Killing Kissing Leaving Lying Magic Mankind Military Moon Office Opportunity Pain Palin Past Police Politics Pope Pot Racism Rage Rain Reading Reality Religion Responsibility Running Sacrifice School Selling Shame Sin Sleep Smoking Sports Stupidity Tea Team Today Violence Virtue Voting Wall War Weed Wife Winning Worry

People say to me all the time, I get my news from your show. And that isn't the way they should get their news. But the choice is not between getting their news the right way and getting their news from my show. The

People say to me all the time, "I get my news from your show." And that isn't the way they should get their news. But the choice is not between getting their news the right way and getting their news from my show. The choice is that they won't get any at all unless you give it to them in an entertaining package.

Giving, People, Choices

"Lite Night with Bill Maher". Interview with Ana Marie Cox, www.motherjones.com. January/February 1998.

This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.

Children, Party, Car

Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind Barack Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of 'Old Yeller.' The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.'

Dog, Strong, Thinking

What mostly prevents black people from voting is that drug laws send them to prison, and then they can't vote.

Law, People, Voting

Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people's taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial complex, and said Medicare was socialism that would destroy our freedom. Both sides really should stop pretending he was something other than the man most responsible for our decline.

Military, Cutting, Gay

"Maher: Reagan wrote GOP playbook" by Hadas Gold, www.politico.com. June 8, 2013.

Edward Snowden gave a little press conference today. He is apparently seeking temporary asylum in Russia. Because, you know, when you're tired of the government snooping into everything you do, Putin's Russia is definitely the place you want to go.

Tired, Russia, Government

All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It's amazing. The only way in America you get people to get worked up like that is to threaten to give them health care.

America, People, Giving

Oh, America! I could never leave you! You're like my dog, dumb as a post but you make me laugh!

Dog, America, Laughing

Being a conservative also used to involve the concept of people being free to do whatever they want to do, as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else. Conservatives used to be very libertarian.

Hurt, Long, People

Source: www.avclub.com

Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time things would turn out differently. Yes they would. This time he would get his ass kicked by a woman.

Running, Thinking, Ass

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

Approval Rating, Cells, Two

Don't you think that being a person of faith has become a third rail in American politics? If you want to run for president nowadays, you'd better get out there and say you're a very faith-based person.

Running, Thinking, President

I never, ever in my life tried to be outrageous. I've only ever tried to say what was truly on my mind and not pull punches about it.

Mind, Outrageous

Interview with Tasha Robinson, tv.avclub.com. September 13, 2006.

Why are we working so hard to preserve Iraq, a fake country to begin with? Why do we care whether this fake country that was drawn on the map 100 years ago remains?

Country, Years, Iraq

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

Fun, Cancer, Thinking

"Politically Incorrect" by Ken Tucker, www.ew.com. June 7, 2002.

New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It's not like Obama will be the doctor for your next prostate exam. That's just a common fantasy of Republican men.

Men, Doctors, Obamacare

People on the right say to people like me, Oh, you hate America. And I always say, No, I love America. I want it back. I don't want you representing it. I don't want torture representing it. If I hated it, I'd be okay with being represented by the torturers.

Hate, America, People

The Tea Baggers, they're not a movement, they're a cult.... Cults tend to populate from within, encouraging members to have huge broods of children and to give them strange names, like Moonbeam, and Trig.

Children, Names, Giving

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

America, Missing

"Bill Maher... But I'm Not Wrong". TV Special, February 13, 2010.

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

Marijuana, College, Comedy

"Bill Maher Confesses: ‘Selling Pot Allowed Me to Get Through College’" by Andrew Kirell, www.mediaite.com. September 9, 2013.

Failing to warn the citizens of a looming weapon of mass destruction- and that's what global warming is- in order to protect oil company profits, well, that fits for me the definition of treason.

Mass Destruction, Order, Oil

"Real Time" with Bill Maher, votesmart.org. March 24, 2006.

Heroin may be bad, but it sure as hell hasn't hurt my CD collection.

Hurt, Cds, Addiction

It just seems like atheists are not included in the basket of diversity in America, which is odd because we are the biggest minority. That is a bigger minority than any other minority you can name.

Atheist, Names, America

Source: www.patheos.com

The Democrats are very bad at selling their own product. The Republicans are geniuses at it. And I've said it before, a bad product well apologized for is superior in this country to a good product.

Country, Democracy, Genius

"Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was in the first place. Let alone his sexuality. What concerns me is adults who read 800-page books about magic schoolboys... and then try to talk to me about it. If I had the slightest interest in homosexuals with powers, I'd be a Republican.

Book, Gay, Two

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