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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 18

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I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!

I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!

White, People, Guy

"Real Time with Bill Maher". m.imdb.com. 2003-.

I’m supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here’s the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.

Yes We Can, Guy, Black

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.162, Penguin

I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is to realistically criticize what's wrong with it.

Hate, America, Want

Interview with Larry King on "Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has a pack in his back, my answer is, if someone was feeding him answers, couldn't they be able to feed him better ones than he came up with?

People, Answers, Able

"Real Time with Bill Maher", October 15, 2004.

If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not.

War, People, President

New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina has a sign out front that says 'Obama... Osama... Hmmm... Are they brothers?' No, they're not brothers. In fact, they're not even related, which is more than I can say for the married couples in your church.

Christian, Brother, Couple

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can't the rest of us make them go away?!

Country, Going Away, Puritan

Bill Maher (2005). “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer”, p.181, Rodale

I like groaning. That means that you're not pandering to their already settled prejudices.

Mean, Prejudice, Groaning

New Rule: The rest of the world can go back to being completely jealous of America. Our majority white country just freely elected a black president, something no other democracy has ever done. Take that Canada! Where's your nubian warrior president? Your head of state is a boring white dude named Steven Harper, and mine is a kick-ass black ninja named Barack Hussein Obama!

Country, Jealous, Warrior

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.114, Penguin

There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take.

Animal, Night, Squirrels

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

Kids, Drug, Puppy

Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg... And then you look at the conservatives, it's like Chuck Norris, Bo Derek and the Gatlin Brothers. I don't know if being liberal makes you more right, but it does seem like it makes you more talented.

Running, Art, Brother

Whoever needs the relationship less has all the power.

Needs

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

Dog, Cop, Ifs

"Wrapping our minds around the Noah story in the Bible". blogs.chicagotribune.com. March 18, 2014.

The American people don't really care what side of an issue you're on. They just don't want you to act like a pussy.

Issues, People, Pussy

You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood.

America, Hollywood, Millionaire

"The Great Thing About Having Been Poor" by Bill Maher, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 1, 2012.

Rick Perry said Obama's suggestions for gun control disgust him. He said the real answer to this problem isn't laws, it's prayer. You know, i know you're not supposed to say this about elected officials, but I would pay to see Rick Perry defend himself against a school shooter with prayer.

Prayer, Real, School

We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.

Causes, Mystery, Getting Laid

"Bill Maher: The Golden Goose Special". TV Movie, 1997.

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight.

Tonight, Comedy, Humour

"Bill Maher: The Decider". Documentary, Comedy, 2007.

Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make you well? Is that such a hard sale?

Ideas, People, Trying

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic.

Gun, Abortion, Warning

Republicans have become the party of red, white and blue rose colored glasses. By drowning out criticism with USA! USA!, they prevent this country from healing itself where it needs healing, and that is the opposite of Country First.

Country, Party, Healing

The House okayed the gasoline tax cut, which will increase the deficit, line the pockets of the oil companies, and hurt the environment; Dole said that if there was just some way this could interfere with people's sex lives, it would be perfect legislation.

Hurt, Sex, Cutting

Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments about everyone who passes by." Unlike George Bush, who's the guy at the country club who makes snide comments, and then passes out. Now this characterization, of course, was something Mr. Rove just completely pulled out of his bulbous, gelatinous a$$, but remember this is America, a land where people believe anything they hear.

Beautiful, Country, Business

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.

Country, Get Well, People

Interview with Larry King on "Larry King Live", transcripts.cnn.com. September 14, 2010.

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