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Bill Maher Quotes - Page 16

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Glenn Beck retired or got fired...and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?

Glenn Beck retired or got fired...and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?

People, Asking, Speak

More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013.

Moon, Inheritance, Astronaut

My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!

Girl, Father, Pimp

Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.

Ideas, Body, Republican

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

Country, Humorous, Political

The teachers don't know anything. What are the kids going to learn with a horrible education system?

Teacher, Kids, Horrible

Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?

Government, People, Choices

France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?

Country, War, Stupid

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.80, Penguin

First they didn't believe in evolution. Then they didn't believe in global warming. Now the debt ceiling. What I call 'the moron trifecta.'

Believe, Ceilings, Debt

Tt just seems to be human nature to seem to want to posit in another human being, qualities that you must know, in part of your mind, that human being couldn't possess because you don't possess.

Mind, Quality, Want

Source: movieweb.com

George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.

Book, Political, Needs

Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist.

Confused, Party, Yelling

The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.

Mom, Hockey, Differences

'The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell', www.today.com. January 17, 2011.

Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid.

Kings, Stupid, College

Sarah Palin's whole family got into a drunken public fistfight. Something police are calling a 'tragic case of trash-on-trash violence.'

Police, Violence, Calling

You can refer to god and you are really just talking about nature. If you are going to say the universe is god, then everything is god, everything is religion. But when we explore traditional religion we are talking about humanistic gods people pray to, that they think can intervene in our lives, who run sort of a heaven-and-hell operation for the afterworld.

Running, Thinking, Talking

"The MoJo Interview: Bill Maher". Interview with Elizabeth Gettelman, www.motherjones.com. September, 2008.

I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.

Atheist, Appreciate, Giving

Source: www.patheos.com

New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.

Queens, Party, Believe

Amazon has included me in an opportunity to provide top-shelf television-style programming live on the world's computer screens. To hold forth with the industry's very best actors, directors, musicians, authors - I'm thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this.

Cutting, Opportunity, Style

Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'

War, Thinking, Irs

Scientists say an 8.9 earthquake here could knock down buildings, flood coastal areas... and improve the roads.

Earthquakes, Building, Scientist

The Hollywood executives are, like, ‘We’re not racist, we just have to pretend to be racists because we’re capitalists. We want to sell our movies in China (and) they don’t like Kevin Hart.’

Hollywood, Racist, Kevin

"Bill Maher Whitesplains Hollywood’s Diversity Problem: It’s China’s Fault". deadline.com. January 23, 2016.

My father was a news guy, you know, he was in radio news. And so that was sort of in my DNA. It was something we talked about at the dinner table when I was a kid.

Father, Kids, Radio News

"Comedian Bill Maher Plays Not My Job". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. December 16, 2011.

I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is.

Thinking, Ideas, People

The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'

Country, President, Hobbies

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