Chris Rock Quotes - Page 6

In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you're a fat woman, you can play a skinny princess. If you're short wimpy guy, you can play a tall gladiator. If you're a white man, you can play an Arabian prince. And if you're a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra.

My relationship with my daughter is gonna affect her relationship with men for the rest of her life... Sometimes I'm walking with my daughter. I'm pushing her in the stroller, and sometimes I just pick her up and stare at her, and I realize, my only job in life is to keep her off the pole.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

For the most part, comedy is the only fair part of show business.

An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give good shows, you'll never be broke for the rest of your life.

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

I took my AlDS test. You start reflecting... You start thinking about every nasty, skank-ass... It's like the movie Scrooge, and the Ghost of Pussy Past comes.

God bless America. And no place else.

You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"

There's a difference between racism and "I don't know any better. I'm clueless." Racism is like, "I'm trying to make you feel bad." That's racism.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.

Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.

When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.