Craig Ferguson Quotes about Funny

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.

I have a beard. Just not on my face.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.

The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.