It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that.
My style is my personality. It's always been that way. Being a wiseguy and having fun. It's always been that way for me, when I was in high school, and in the Navy. It's not something I rehearse.
I always say that comedians and actors were all kind of shy when they were young. I was very, believe it or not, kind of embarrassed as a child. But my mother was a very strong lady and she was the one that kept it going when I thought it would be over for me as a performer. She was always my inspiration and she was a big influence on me.
I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.
I've never had guys sit me down and say this is what you've got to do. It's my personality that makes me one of a kind, and I believe that.
I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
I've never walked off stage and said, I shouldn't have done that. Because when you do what I do, you're like a fighter. You throw the right hand and say, That's what got me to this dance. You can't have doubt. If you have doubt, there's no show.
An insult comic is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings.
I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.
When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.
Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
My main success was an attitude. Always an attitude.
I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.
Regis Philbin is very successful in his own right. We have a new thing where he have chairs and we sit and talk to each other about my career and his career. It works pretty well if I do say so.
Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.
I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.
Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.
Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor.
I was with George Washington at Valley Forge, sitting around before an attack... gimme a break. That's over 70 years ago already.
I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.
I take pride in being very unique in what I do. Nobody else can do what I do and I don't mean to say that egotistically, it's just something in my personality.
That I walk around calling people 'dummy' and 'hockey puck'. I do have a different life apart from being sarcastic on stage. I might kibitz around with my friends, but I'm nothing like the person who does stand up. Nothing like that.
They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.
Who am I to judge is what I say. I'm 90 years old, for crying out loud, and I don't sit in any chariot.
