I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, "Don, get up at a party and tell a joke," I'm the worst.
In the old days, that was my ad-lib for hecklers in the joints I worked. It stuck with me. I hardly say it now, say, to fans, even though people do send me hockey pucks.
I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew evenÂtually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys.
Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.
When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.
The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.
Frank Sinatra enjoyed my humor, so I could say almost anything to him. I mean, within reason.
I do situations and make fun of authority and life.
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
Showbiz is great if you're successful.
I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.
I don't get into politics. I know [Donald] Trump, but I don't follow that. That's just an aside for him when he has nothing else to say. He never involved me in any of that stuff.
I've never had a writer, and I'm proud of that. Everything I've perÂformed has been from my own head.
When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying.
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.
In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.
Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.
I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke.
I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny.
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.
The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.
I knew most of the people there who ran the places, a lot of wiseguys. They're all gone now. All good people.
